Tomorrow’s Not Promised
Not many know this, but for the last three years or so I’ve had different dreams that ALL reveal I would not outlive Rachelle. I dream most every night. But 99% of them fade away before my feet touch the ground. But the 1% I remember, are locked in my memory with very vivid detail. So, to remember so many different ones that ALL have the same conclusion, I take them seriously…as a “pay attention”, “warning”, “correction, direction, or protection”.
The most recent dream about Rachelle outliving me was about four months ago. I was walking down our rural country road, as the sun was setting, passing by our entrance gate. The grassy fields along the road moved gently back and forth. Looking to my left and between a few trees I noticed a lot of cars in the driveway. As I continued to walk the gravel road I realized it was our kids cars and everyone was outside with the grandkids, either eating on the shaded patio, or playing with grandkids in the yard. Of course Rachelle was seen playing with the grandkids. I was surprised that no one noticed me walking along the street because my young Belgian Malinois (Grace) was barking and whimpering at me as she followed me within the fenced yard. It was a beautiful day, sunshine, white puffy clouds, and a cool breeze. When I reached the end of the fenced in yard, and Grace whimpered she could no longer follow me…I had a knowing I had passed away, and this was just a glimpse, that Rachelle was well cared for, happy, and protected.
And I awoke.
Having many different dreams about dying before my wife, has changed the way I value things: my job, my health, our time together, (Even me writing this blog to you), but most of all…changed how much more I value the words I say to her. Also, now I sometimes start a sentence with, “If I’m not around”…this is how you prepare the mower for winter, or these are the papers and contacts you’ll need, or this is how you check your car, or replace a door knob, or shower spigot, etc.”
We talk about everything now.
When I leave for work in the morning I hold her a few seconds more than I used to…and say, “I’ll see you tonight, or I’ll see you in Heaven.” And when I think that today may be my last day with her, a little disagreement that could come to mind, quickly fades away to nothing, compared to making sure she knows I love her.
Some may say I’m paranoid. But Really? No one knows what Tomorrow holds. We can’t even control our next breath or heartbeat. How can we be so arrogant to think we know how our lives will play out?
Who knows…I may live another 30 years, but how more wonderful will those 30 years be, if EVERYDAY I speak to her and spend time with her as if…
…Tomorrow’s Not Promised
James 4:14
